Every year, a mysterious man clad in red visits children around the world. According to legend, he goes by ‘Santa Claus’ and drives a pack of reindeer around the world all night in order to deliver presents to every house. Given the time constraints, Claus travels impossibly fast. Experts have not concluded what kind of fuel he uses to power his sleigh, but anything that produces such a large quantity of energy cannot be environmentally friendly. 

But sustainability concerns are the least of Santaís issues. He’s a known trespasser in every UN member state. Law enforcement agencies are bewildered by Claus’s uncanny ability to break into homes through the chimney. It’s not a shock that he’s able to circumvent security; only 32% of American households have alarm systems. The dilemma is his girth: he’s simply too wide to fit through a shaft’s narrow opening.

Many have accused Claus of breaking and entering, but others mount ideological challenges to his methods. Acclaimed rock band The Kinks in their song Father Christmas accuses him of “giv[ing]” all the toys to the little rich boys,” a poke at Claus’s frequently criticized elitist tendencies in present-giving. Others argue that he’s a leader of the working classes—or rather, the proletariat. Claus distributes presents equally (at least, in theory) to all the children of the world free of charge and wears a conspicuous red suit. Political analysts believe this behavior resembles communism, or at least demonstrates anti-capitalist sentiment. 

Santa Claus clearly has taken care to cover his tracks and remain aloof from society. Perhaps we shall never know his purpose or motives, but this Christmas be wary of the presents that appear underneath your tree.